THE THANKSGIVING holiday is this week, which you’re probably acutely aware of. Have you done your grocery shopping yet? There’s so much to plan!
It’s a busy time. But I’m not here today to offer entertaining tips or tasty recipes. Today I’m meditating on something so much simpler, it feels silly to even say it out loud: we would all benefit from more gratitude in our lives.
My husband and I were recently confronted uncomfortably with some bad ingratitude in our children. It came up in one particularly trying evening, involving back-talk, rudeness and demanding attitudes. We’re blessed with a generous family, and you might say, burdened with a few “gift giving” love languages in our house. It’s a dangerous combo, and we had dropped the ball in teaching them to be thankful for what they have. Something had to be done.
Besides lamenting the appalling entitlement on display in our young children (they’re ages 6 and under.) and all I could do was over-correct, so we started deliberately saying thank you too much.
Thank you for handing me that fork. Thank you for sitting down so I can put on your socks. Thank you for getting into your car seat.
I think that only lasted a few days, but it made a point. It got the ball rolling.
The other thing we started, and have continued, was to include prayers of thanks at bedtime. Previously, bedtime was for prayers of petition and intercession, and thanksgiving was relegated mostly to the few minutes after Communion on Sunday. Now, each night, after each member of the family lists their intentions, they’re asked to say “thank you Jesus” for two things. Parents are not exempt! We’re modeling how to reflect on our day and single out moments to appreciate. And we’re also insisting on new things every night, to make sure they’re really thinking about it.
It’s so simple, but surprisingly, it’s been working! As with anything, progress has been slow, but over the last couple of months, I’ve seen an attitude shift. They’re acting less entitled, less demanding. They spontaneously say “thank you” more often. It’s subtle, and there’s still progress to be made, but I’ve been really delighted to see that the lesson seems to be resonating already.
What this process has taught me is that gratitude isn’t natural; it doesn’t happen on its own. It’s taught and it’s trained and it’s practiced. It’s not natural for a six-year-old to value someone else’s time and efforts without instruction. Their world doesn’t extend that far outside themselves. They have to be shown and modeled, and an atmosphere of gratitude will foster that mindset shift.
But we, as adults, need this reminder too. The lesson of “be grateful for what you have” sounds unbearably trite, but perhaps it’s so basic that we forget to exercise that gratitude muscle and slip into entitled attitudes ourselves.
Even around the Thanksgiving holiday, we might be too busy with preparations for a big meal to stop and reflect on the gifts God has given us. I know that I need the reminder to stop and be grateful for the blessings in my life. I’m always so busy and stressed, but when I do pause to reflect with gratitude, my day instantly improves.
Gratitude is so important for our relationships. It starts with a recognition of the things other people do and give to us, then it develops into a deeper awareness of the intrinsic human value of the other child of God in front of us. And that’s something we all need a little more of right now.
Happy Thanksgiving.