THIS WEEK IS THE feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, which commemorates the finding of the relic of the True Cross in Jerusalem. This feast is a great celebration of the rich treasures of the Church, but it’s also a great reminder to reflect on the crosses and struggles that God has given us in our lives, and how He’s calling us to carry them.
Trusting God has been a journey for our family for the past several years. We’ve had to trust Him through job losses, relocations, school changes, unplanned pregnancies and a stressful house hunt.
He answers prayers though! Every time a situation has been out of our hands, He’s provided in bigger and better ways. We feel like we’re getting better at trust, but it only gets harder each time. I’m sorry to tell you that trust isn’t a destination.
Every new opportunity to grow in trust comes with a bigger challenge to face, a harder cross to bear.
“The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis is a book I’ve come back to over and over again in my spiritual journey. Each new cross in my life reminds me of this passage: “…he should accept with patience
the tribulation which has actually been dealt out to him-the present anxiety and suspense. It is about this that he is to say, ‘Thy will be done,’ for the daily task of bearing this that the daily bread will be provided… [he] never thinks of the present fear as his appointed cross but only of the things he is afraid of.” (C.S. Lewis, “The Screwtape Letters”)
Lewis’ lesson here is that your True Cross – the one you’re called to bear and offer up as in Matthew 16:24 “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me” — can be exceptionally difficult to identify when you’re in the midst of fear and anxiety over the future. When I’m uncertain about the future, I go into contingency-planning mode. But the
thing is, I’m not being asked to resign myself to any of those potential outcomes.
I’m only asked to accept today’s feeling of uncertainty itself and offer up that discomfort to Jesus. I’m still trying to figure out how to cope with the anxiety when you feel like you’re being called to want and work for something big, but God’s answer to that longing is “not yet.” How do you consider the lilies while also investing your talents? How do I trust God’s plan for my life if it never seems to bring me peace in the moment? If I ever figure out the balance between resignation and longing, I will be sure to come back and let you know.
There’s a statue of St. Jude in our home, which we placed as soon as we moved in last year. It was a novena to St. Jude that helped us finally close on a house. I made that novena at a low point of despair and longing. Maybe I had to be broken down so far in order to fully let go and allow God to provide a miracle.
That statue is a reminder of how God worked through our fears and dreams to bring us closer to Him, and how He has never failed to answer our prayers, even if the answer was “not yet” for what felt like far too long.
There will always be new anxieties and challenges ahead, new crosses to bear and new sufferings to “offer up.”
Each one will be a new opportunity to trust God even more deeply, to take up that cross of uncertainty and follow Him wherever His perfect plan leads us.